Introduction: Losing Intuition in Abusive Relationships
Many people lose their sense of self and intuition in or after abusive or narcissistic relationships. They often wonder ways to find your intuition again. This abuse often happens with partners, family members, parents, or stepmothers. At first, you might not notice your inner voice fading. You could start to silence yourself in order to get along and protect yourself. However, over time, constant criticism, manipulation, suppression of your true voice and gaslighting can block your natural intuition. These harmful relationships create doubts about using one’s own voice. For example, a controlling partner may make you doubt your feelings because they belittle them. Meanwhile a narcissistic Mother may convince you that your instincts are wrong about the way they treat you Father.
What Is Intuition?
Intuition is your inner guidance system. It is a quiet knowing or gut feeling that helps you make choices and sense what is right or wrong. While it’s not always loud, intuition gives you clues about people and situations. For instance, you might feel uneasy about a new friend, even though you can’t explain why. When you listen to your intuition, you often avoid trouble and move towards what feels true for you.
When Intuition Is Hijacked by Trauma
After trauma or abuse, your intuition can take over by the trauma response. Natural intuition may become distorted or not as reliable. As a result, you might ignore warning signs or make choices that don’t serve you. For example, past experiences can make you fearful, so you misinterpret anxiety as intuitive guidance. Even though intuition is meant to protect you, trauma can hijack it and create triggered feelings that can make people unsafe or off balanced. Therefore, learning how to listen to your intuition again becomes essential.
Seven Ways Our Intuition Goes Offline After Trauma or Abuse
1. Self Doubt
After trauma or abuse, self-doubt may gently arise or grow stronger. You might start to question every decision, no matter how small. In these moments, it is natural for even simple actions to feel uncertain. Trauma can quietly erode your sense of safety and trust in yourself. When your feelings, thoughts, and perceptions are often dismissed or criticized, it is understandable to find it hard to believe in your own judgement. Over time, this kind of ongoing invalidation can make you second-guess yourself, and self-doubt may softly settle into all areas of life. In the end, your intuition may feel quieter, making it more challenging to sense what is right for you.
2. Mistrust
Mistrust can quietly take root after trauma or a narcissistic relationship. People may feel cautious about trusting others when they have faced manipulation or betrayal. This gentle mistrust, in turn, can quiet their intuition and make it harder to tell who is safe. Trust may, over time, feel less clear as individuals work to rebuild it. The effects of broken trust might, in the end, touch how people connect with family, friends, and new acquaintances. It’s okay, meanwhile, for individuals to recognize these feelings as a part of the healing process and to offer themselves patience as they reconnect with others and their own wisdom.
3. Anxiety and Fears
Fear often takes the lead and people’s inner voices can become quiet after experiencing narcissistic abuse and trauma. Individuals may feel uncertain and worry about making wrong choices or feel unsafe. Anxiety can frequently appear, and people may doubt their own feelings. Trusting instincts becomes more difficult. Over time, fear may intensify and intuition can become harder to hear. If people find themselves reacting with worry, even in safe situations, it is important to remember that this is a normal part of healing. These responses are gentle aspects of recovery. It’s perfectly acceptable for people to offer themselves patience and compassion as they reconnect with their inner guidance.
4. People-pleasing
After trauma or abuse, people may begin to focus on others’ needs, with their own needs quietly fading into the background. In these situations, it often becomes easier for individuals to say “yes” even when they genuinely want to say “no.” It is protective. Over time, this caring for others can make it more challenging for people to hear their own wants or needs. As a result, their intuitive voice may become quieter. If this experience feels familiar, it’s important to remember that such responses are natural. It is perfectly okay for people to treat themselves with kindness as they rediscover their own needs and inner guidance.
5. Disconnection Between Your Body and Emotions
People may feel disconnected from their bodies and emotions following traumatic experiences or difficult relationships. This sense of distance is often the mind’s way of protecting them. Emotional pain can make it challenging for individuals to access their true feelings, leading them to gently tune out signals from their bodies. Over time, this separation can deepen, making it increasingly difficult for people to hear and trust what their bodies and hearts are saying. It is important to recognize that this response is natural, and it is perfectly okay for individuals to be patient and compassionate with themselves as they navigate these emotions.
6. Analysis Paralysis
It’s common for overthinking to take hold when people have gone through the ringer with traumatic events. They may find yourself carefully analysing each thought and feeling concerned about making the wrong choice. This can gently quiet one’s intuitive signals and gut feelings, making them harder to notice. With time, people might begin leaning more on logic or seeking reassurance from others, rather than trusting their own instincts. It’s understandable that trusting oneself can feel difficult in this process.
7. Trauma Responses and False Alarms
People who have PTSD find that their mind stays alert for danger. Old wounds may cause people to misread signals from your body. They may feel triggered by a simple sound when your surroundings are safe. This is a trauma response. As a result, people mistake fear for intuition. Yet, with every false alarm, it gets harder to trust the inner voice. Over time, people may feel confused and unsure of what is real.
13 Ways to Get in Touch With Your Intuition Again
1. Practice Mindfulness
Mindfulness helps people tune in to their thoughts and feelings. For example, spending a few minutes each day focused on the breath can quiet the mind. As individuals relax, they begin to notice subtle signals from their intuition. Over time, they may become more aware of what feels right or wrong. In this way, learning how to listen to intuition starts with being present.
2. Be in Your Body
The body is a sensitive, intuitive system. For healing to take place, people must commit to being fully present within themselves. Many individuals tend to focus solely on their thoughts and overlook their bodily sensations, which is not beneficial. It is important to embrace both the mind and physical feelings. When people tune into their bodies, they enhance their intuition and can notice early warning signs that help them prevent illness and avoid harmful situations.
3.Keep a Journal
Writing down thoughts and experiences allows people to track patterns and gut feelings. When individuals revisit their journal entries, they may notice that their intuition was offering guidance all along. Over time, this process helps build trust in one’s inner voice. Additionally, journalling provides a safe space to explore emotions. In this way, people can learn to listen to their intuition with greater confidence.
4. Set Boundaries
Establishing clear boundaries supports individuals in protecting their sense of self. When people say no to situations that feel wrong, they honour their intuition. At first, this may feel uncomfortable, but it becomes easier with time and practice. As people continue to set boundaries, their inner voice grows stronger. In this way, setting boundaries teaches individuals how to listen to their intuition and rebuild trust in themselves.
5. Seek Quiet Time
Noise and distractions can often drown out intuition. Therefore, spending time alone in nature or in a quiet room is beneficial for many people. In moments of silence, individuals may find that their inner guidance becomes more apparent. They might notice gentle nudges or feelings that help steer them in the right direction. This approach supports people in learning how to listen to their intuition in everyday life.
6. Challenge Negative Self-Talk
Abusive experiences often fill people’s minds with negative beliefs. Recognizing these thoughts and questioning them is important. When individuals replace self-criticism with compassion, their intuition can emerge. Over time, they learn to trust their instincts instead of their doubts. In this way, changing one’s inner dialogue supports people in learning how to listen to their intuition.
7. Make Small Decisions
If people struggle to trust their intuition, they can begin with small decisions. For instance, individuals might choose what they want to eat or wear each day. As they listen to their preferences, their confidence increases. Over time, they become more comfortable handling larger decisions with greater trust. By practising regularly, people learn how to listen to their intuition step by step.
8. Associate with Supportive People
Being around kind and trustworthy individuals helps people rebuild their sense of self. In healthy relationships, intuition is more likely to surface safely. Support and encouragement from others can validate feelings and instincts. Over time, individuals begin to depend less on outside approval and more on their own inner guidance. As a result, positive connections can teach people how to listen to their intuition once again.
9. Connect with Your Inner Voice
Everyone has an inner voice that holds insight into their healing journey. Sometimes, this intuition is overshadowed by our busy thoughts and constant mental chatter. To reconnect with this wisdom, it’s important to find moments of quiet—whether through meditation, peaceful reflection, spending time in nature, or prayer. Dedicating a few minutes each day to tuning in allows you to notice subtle signals, like gut feelings, hunches, images, sounds, memories, or sudden clarity—similar to a light turning on. By paying attention and trusting these messages from within, you strengthen your connection to your inner guidance.
10. Trust Your First Impression
Often, people’s first reaction to a person or situation is their intuition speaking. While it may be tempting for individuals to second-guess themselves, honouring that initial feeling can be empowering. Reflecting on instances when ignoring one’s gut feeling led to regret helps highlight this pattern. As people become more aware of these experiences, their trust in intuition grows. Therefore, paying attention to first impressions is essential for learning how to listen to one’s intuition.
11. Forgive Yourself for Mistakes
Sometimes, people may misinterpret their intuition or act against it. We can miss the mark as well. Rather than placing blame, they can choose self-forgiveness. Mistakes are a natural part of learning and healing. When individuals treat themselves with gentleness, their intuition is more likely to resurface. Ultimately, forgiving oneself enables people to learn how to listen to their intuition without fear.
12. Pay Attention to Your Dreams
Dr Judith Orloff writes about Intuitive Healing. She states that dreams are how intuition speaks. People dream roughly every ninety minutes during REM sleep. These dreams can provide insight into health, relationships, and decisions. To tap into this wisdom, individuals might keep a dream journal beside their bed. Before going to sleep, they can ask their dreams a specific question, such as “Is this relationship healthy?” Upon waking, it helps to write down any dreams immediately. Repeating the question each night supports the process until an answer emerges. Over time, recalling dreams often becomes easier, which can assist in personal healing.
13. Be Authentic
Be authentically you, even when it feels unpopular. Staying true to one’s own voice is a powerful way for people to honour their intuition and nurture their sense of self. Sometimes, individuals may ignore their gut feelings to please others or avoid conflict. However, this can lead them into situations or relationships that do not feel right. Listening to their authentic voice helps people make choices that align with who they truly are.
9 Ways that Therapy May Help You Reclaim Your Intuition
1. Safe Space
Therapists offer a safe space for people to share their feelings without judgement. They listen to individuals’ concerns and help them feel understood. Moreover, when life feels overwhelming, therapists can guide people through difficult emotions. They provide strategies to cope with anxiety, stress, and trauma. With this support, people can explore their thoughts, learn new skills, and begin to trust themselves again.
2. Discerning Trauma Responses and Intuition
A trauma-informed therapist assists people in distinguishing between trauma responses and authentic intuition. They listen to individuals’ experiences and observe patterns in their emotions and behaviours. Additionally, therapists teach calming techniques, enabling people to pause and reflect. With ongoing support, individuals find it easier to recognise their true inner voice. Through this guidance, people gradually develop trust in themselves and learn to separate fear-based reactions from genuine intuition.
3. Pattern Recognition
Therapy helps people identify patterns that block intuition and self-trust, especially following trauma or abuse. These patterns often stem from past pain or fear, which can cause individuals to ignore their inner voice or question their decisions. With the support of a therapist, people can gain insight into how old wounds influence their reactions. Over time, they learn to distinguish trauma responses from genuine intuition, gradually rebuilding trust in themselves.
4. Emotional Expression
Guidance from a professional offers emotional therapy, and as a result, greater clarity. A trauma therapist provides a safe space where you can express your feelings and worries without fear of judgement. They help you work through painful memories and offer gentle support, making it easier to begin your healing journey.
5. Paying Attention
Therapists can help people notice moments when they have ignored their intuition, and then guide them to understand why. By listening closely to their stories and identifying patterns that may have developed after trauma, therapists foster greater awareness. Over time, this process enables individuals to recognise their inner voice and gradually rebuild trust in it.
6. Coping Tools
Therapy teaches coping skills, and in turn, helps you manage anxiety and trauma triggers. A trauma-informed therapist introduces calming techniques such as deep breathing and grounding exercises. With practice, these skills help you face difficult emotions and regain control over your reactions.
7. Self Compassion
Therapy encourages self-compassion, fostering acceptance of individuals’ experiences. Trauma therapists gently remind people that healing is a gradual process and that all feelings are valid. With therapeutic support, people learn to forgive themselves and adopt a kinder approach to their own self-talk.
8. Boundaries and Assertiveness
Therapists can help people rebuild personal boundaries and strengthen their assertiveness. Trauma often blurs the lines between an individual’s own needs and the demands of others, but a therapist teaches them how to set clear limits. This guidance empowers people to protect themselves and honour their feelings.
9. Mind Body Connection
Therapy equips people with tools to reconnect with their bodies and, in turn, their emotions. Trauma may lead individuals to feel physically and emotionally detached, but a trauma therapist supports them in noticing bodily sensations and feelings in a safe environment. These strategies help people better understand themselves and respond to their own needs.
Conclusion
With the support of a trauma therapist, you gradually learn how to listen to your intuition, and ultimately, trust yourself again. They walk beside you as you process traumatic experiences, learn new coping tools and experience post traumatic growth. Over time, their guidance helps you separate trauma related reactions from your true inner voice, allowing your intuition to shine through. Remember, your inner voice is always there, waiting to be heard. You deserve to trust yourself and make choices that honour your true self. Keep moving forward—your intuition is your ally.
About
Heather Caruso is a compassionate, skilled, and intuitive therapist. She is a registered Canadian art therapist, registered psychotherapist, narcissistic abuse therapist, specializing in trauma counseling and adult children of narcissistic, dysfunctional and or emotionally immature parents. She offers a unique blend of therapeutic approaches to help her clients navigate their healing journeys. Heather’s deep empathy and expertise create a safe and nurturing environment for those dealing with a mental health issue. Her areas of expertise are anxiety, depression, grief, low self esteem, stress management, trauma, PTSD and navigating big life changes. Heather offers one on one sessions for people from Ontario.
To support individuals in finding the right therapeutic path for their unique needs, she offers a free Zoom chat where people can ask questions and determine if her therapy services are a good fit for their needs. To book an appointment, call the office at 519 830 7123 or use this link to contact us.