Learn a Bit About Someone to Know How to Deal with Difficult People
One: Recognize That Intense Emotions May Signal a Difficult Period, Underlying Condition or Mental Health Issues.
Some individuals experience emotions with greater intensity than others, which can sometimes make navigating relationships more complex. These “big feelings” are not a reflection of someone’s character or value, but rather a part of their lived experience, especially during difficult periods. Life’s ups and downs, such as loss, health challenges, grief, trauma, or even persistent insomnia, can heighten emotional responses, and it is important to recognize that anyone can feel vulnerable when faced with such hardships. Most people can relate to the deep emotional impact that comes with losing a job, a loved one, or going through a breakup; these moments can leave us feeling exposed and in need of support.
It’s also important to understand that intense emotions may be connected to underlying physical or mental health conditions. For example, neurodivergent traits such as those seen in ADD, ADHD, Asperger’s, or autism spectrum disorder are often linked to unique emotional responses. Similarly, a range of mental health conditions, including Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD), Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), and Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD), can influence how a person experiences and expresses emotions. People living with Bipolar Disorder, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), or Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) may also display strong emotional reactions. Approaching these individuals with empathy and understanding helps foster a more supportive and compassionate environment for everyone.
Two: Some People Are Naturally More Sensitive or Emotional
It important to understand how to deal with difficult people lies in understanding someone’s nature. For some individuals, experiencing emotions deeply is simply a part of who they are. Their inner world is vivid, with joys and sorrows often felt more intensely than those around them. Everyday situations can spark strong reactions, both positive and negative, which might make the ups feel exhilarating and the downs overwhelming. Life for these people can be a whirlwind, where small events can carry great meaning and relationships are often cherished but sometimes fraught with tension. This heightened sensitivity is not just a reaction to stress or hardship, but an enduring trait that colours their daily interactions and decisions.
Three: Some People Are Easily Emotionally Dysregulated
Some individuals find it particularly challenging to manage their emotional responses and may become easily emotionally dysregulated. They might react strongly to even small triggers, feeling overwhelmed by sadness, anger, or anxiety that seems difficult to control. Attempts to calm down or regain a sense of balance can feel out of reach, leading to lingering distress or impulsive reactions. This difficulty with emotional regulation can impact daily life, relationships, and overall well-being, making it important for caregivers and support workers to approach these individuals with patience and understanding.
Four: All or Nothing Thinking
Another pattern seen in people with big feelings is “all or nothing” thinking. This means events, relationships, or even their own actions are viewed in extremes, something is either completely wonderful or utterly disastrous, with little room for grey areas. For these individuals, a minor setback at work might feel like total failure, or a small compliment can make their day. This way of thinking can make managing relationships and emotions challenging, as the world is seen through a lens of absolutes, leading to rollercoaster-like experiences and reactions.
Five: Catastrophizing
Catastrophizing is a thinking pattern where individuals imagine the worst possible outcome in any given situation, no matter how unlikely it may be. For people with big feelings, a small mistake or misunderstanding can quickly spiral into fears of disaster, such as believing a minor error at work will lead to losing their job or that an argument with a friend means the relationship is over. In the middle of these thought spirals, emotions can become overwhelming and anxiety can increase. Recognizing catastrophizing can help both caregivers and those experiencing it to pause, reframe the situation, and consider more balanced possibilities.
Six: Negative Thinking
Negative thinking involves focusing on the downsides or expecting bad outcomes regardless of the evidence. People with big feelings may find themselves stuck in cycles of self-criticism, pessimism, or hopelessness, which can deepen emotional distress and strain relationships. In the middle of negative thinking, it’s easy to overlook positive experiences or support from others. Challenging these thoughts and practising self-compassion can gradually shift the mindset towards a more hopeful and balanced perspective.
Seven: Easily Angered and Irritable
People who experience emotions deeply may sometimes feel anger or irritability in response to minor frustrations, which can be surprising not only for themselves but also for those around them. Everyday inconveniences, misunderstandings, or delays might trigger strong emotional reactions, occasionally leading to tense exchanges or heated words. For others, it can be difficult to grasp the intensity of these feelings, especially when the issue seems minor from an outside perspective.
It is important to approach these moments with compassion and understanding, recognizing that anger, unlike fear or sadness, is often seen as a more acceptable or familiar emotion to express. Many people find it easier to show anger than vulnerability, as anger can feel empowering or protective, whereas fear and sadness may be viewed as signs of weakness. This tendency can mean that anger sometimes masks deeper emotions that are harder to share or acknowledge.
This sensitivity to frustration can influence relationships and daily routines, sometimes making common challenges feel more difficult to manage. By responding with empathy, taking time to pause and reflect before reacting, and seeking support from caregivers, peers, and one’s own self-awareness, individuals can develop healthier coping strategies and foster more positive communication. Encouraging open, non-judgmental conversations about all emotions, including those that are less socially accepted, helps create a safe space for genuine connection and growth.
Eight: Challenges with Displaying Emotions in a Healthy Way
People who have not been taught emotional regulation often struggle to understand or express their feelings appropriately. Without guidance on how to manage difficult emotions, they may feel lost during moments of distress or excitement. This uncertainty can result in either exaggerated emotional displays or difficulty expressing any emotion at all, leaving them unsure of what is considered a healthy response. Over time, these struggles can contribute to misunderstandings in relationships and increase feelings of isolation or frustration. Support from caregivers, educators, and peers is essential in helping individuals learn healthier ways to communicate and display their emotions.
Nine: The Impact of Suppressed or Passive Emotions
When individuals consistently suppress their emotions or respond passively to challenges, those feelings can build up beneath the surface. While it may seem like they are calm or unaffected, unresolved emotions can accumulate until they become overwhelming. Eventually, even a minor incident may trigger a sudden, intense reaction, sometimes called an emotional “blow up.” These outbursts may surprise both the individual and those around them, as emotions that have been held back emerge all at once. Encouraging regular, open expression of feelings and providing a safe space for emotional processing can help prevent these explosive moments and support better emotional health.
Ten: Feeling Uncomfortable Around Big Emotions
It’s completely natural to feel uneasy when someone expresses strong emotions, especially if you grew up in an environment where feelings were kept private or only certain emotions were accepted. Big feelings, even in normal situations, may have even been mocked growing up. Witnessing intense joy, sadness, or anger can sometimes leave you unsure how to respond or even prompt a desire to withdraw. Remember, this discomfort does not mean you lack empathy or care; rather, it reflects your own experiences and boundaries. Practising compassion for yourself and for those who express emotions openly can help bridge the gap, allowing for deeper understanding and connection. By acknowledging discomfort and approaching big feelings with curiosity instead of judgement, you can foster a more supportive and accepting space for everyone involved.
Behaviours of People with Big Feelings or Who Are Difficult
1. Intense Mood Swings
Individuals with big feelings often shift between emotional highs and lows quickly. For example, they may be cheerful one moment but angry the next, making communication unpredictable. In the middle of these changes, it can feel confusing for those around them. This behaviour can strain relationships, especially if others are unsure how to respond. How to deal with difficult people starts by noticing these patterns.
2. Frequent Arguments
People who seem difficult may initiate debates over small issues. Sometimes, they escalate minor disagreements into major conflicts, leaving others frustrated. In the middle of these arguments, they might use strong language or refuse to compromise. This can make it hard to resolve problems peacefully. Understanding how to deal with difficult people includes preparing for these heated moments.
3. Blaming Others
Those with big feelings might often blame others for their problems. For instance, they may avoid taking responsibility for their actions and shift fault onto someone else. In the middle of conversations, this can make others feel unfairly targeted. As a result, trust and understanding can break down. Learning how to deal with difficult people means recognising this behaviour.
4. Emotional Outbursts
Sometimes, big feelings lead to loud reactions or crying spells. These outbursts can occur without warning and seem disproportionate to the situation. In the middle of these moments, others may feel uncomfortable or unsure how to help. Such behaviour can overshadow positive interactions. Knowing how to deal with difficult people helps you stay calm during these times.
5. Withdrawing from Others
Difficult individuals might suddenly stop talking or leave group settings. At times, they may isolate themselves for long periods, making it hard to maintain connection. In the middle of social events, they may retreat without explanation. This withdrawal can signal distress or a need for space. Understanding how to deal with difficult people involves respecting their boundaries.
6. Seeking Constant Reassurance
People with big feelings may frequently ask for validation or support. For example, they might need others to confirm their worth or decisions. In the middle of conversations, this can become repetitive, sometimes leading to frustration. It’s important to recognise that their need for reassurance reflects inner insecurity. Knowing how to deal with difficult people means offering support without enabling dependency.
7. Impulsive Decisions
Those who are difficult might make sudden choices without considering consequences. Sometimes, they change plans last minute or act on a whim, confusing others. In the middle of teamwork or relationships, this can disrupt routines and create stress. Their actions may seem unpredictable or risky. How to deal with difficult people involves setting clear expectations.
8. Criticizing or Judging Others
Difficult individuals may frequently point out flaws in those around them. Instead of offering constructive feedback, they might be harsh or dismissive. In the middle of group discussions, this can lower morale and hurt feelings. Such criticism often reflects their own insecurities. Remembering how to deal with difficult people helps you respond constructively.
9. Testing Boundaries
People with big feelings might push limits to see how others react. They sometimes ignore rules or agreements, hoping for a strong response. In the middle of these tests, relationships can become tense or strained. This behaviour is often a way to seek attention or control. Understanding how to deal with difficult people means consistently upholding boundaries.
10. Refusing Help or Advice
Those who are difficult may reject support or guidance, even when struggling. They might dismiss suggestions or insist on handling things alone. In the middle of challenges, this attitude can increase frustration on both sides. It’s important to respect their choices while remaining available. Knowing how to deal with difficult people includes offering help without pressure.
11. Yelling at Others
Difficult people may raise their voices or shout during disagreement. In the middle of a heated moment, yelling can feel intimidating or overwhelming to those around them. This behaviour often reflects heightened emotions and a lack of self-regulation. Knowing how to deal with difficult people means staying calm and not responding in kind, helping to de-escalate the situation.
12. Being Verbally Abusive
Some individuals resort to harsh language, insults, or put-downs when upset. In the middle of conversations, verbal abuse can cause emotional harm and erode trust. This behaviour is unacceptable and often signals deeper issues. Understanding how to deal with difficult people involves setting firm boundaries and protecting your own well-being when faced with verbal abuse.
13. Being Physically Abusive
Physical abuse, such as hitting, shoving, or any form of violent contact, is completely unacceptable under any circumstances. In the middle of any interaction where violence is a risk, your safety comes first. If you must speak with someone known for violent outbursts, aim to not do it in person or choose a safe and public location, and bring another person with you for support. If you can, meet them with a person of authority around, like a police officer. Prioritizing your well-being is crucial when dealing with difficult people who may become physically aggressive.
If you are being physically harmed, please know that you do not have to face this alone. Your safety matters—reach out for help immediately. If you are in immediate danger, call 911. If you are not in immediate danger but need support, Ontario offers confidential, 24/7 crisis lines that can connect you to safety, counselling, and resources.
🚨 Key Contacts in Ontario
- Assaulted Women’s Helpline (24/7, multilingual support)
Toll-free: 1-866-863-0511
TTY: 1-866-863-7868
Mobile: Dial #SAFE (#7233)
Provides crisis counselling, safety planning, and referrals to shelters and legal services Ontario.ca. - Victim Support Line (Province-wide, 24/7)
Toll-free: 1-888-579-2888
GTA: 416-314-2447
Offers information, referrals, counselling, and financial assistance for victims of crime Ontario.ca. - Fem’aide (Francophone women’s support line, 24/7)
Toll-free: 1-877-336-2433
Provides crisis counselling and referrals for French-speaking women experiencing violence Ontario.ca. - ⚠️ Remember: If you are in danger right now, call 911.
If you are safe but need support, please use one of the helplines above. You are not alone, and help is available.
How to Deal with Difficult People: 22 Practical Strategies
1. Validate Their Feelings
Acknowledge what the other person is feeling, even if you don’t agree. In the middle of a tough conversation, a simple “I see that you’re upset” can go a long way. This shows respect and helps reduce tension. Validation does not mean accepting harmful behaviour. It’s the first step in how to deal with difficult people.
2. Use Neutral Language
Speak in a calm, factual manner without blaming or judging. For instance, say “I notice you raised your voice” rather than “You’re always yelling.” In the middle of conflict, neutral words can prevent escalation. This approach keeps the focus on the issue, not the person. It’s a key strategy in how to deal with difficult people.
3. Offer Middle Ground Comments
Look for compromises or solutions that meet everyone’s needs. In the middle of disagreements, saying “Let’s find a way that works for both of us” can encourage cooperation. This reduces defensiveness and opens up dialogue. Middle ground comments show you value both perspectives. It’s essential when learning how to deal with difficult people.
4. Avoid Confrontation
Sometimes, stepping away from an argument is more effective than pushing a point. In the middle of rising tension, suggest taking a break to cool down. This prevents the situation from getting worse. Later, you can return to the issue with clearer minds. Avoiding confrontation is a smart way in how to deal with difficult people.
5. Don’t Use Negative Descriptor Words
Avoid calling someone “dramatic,” “crazy,” or “impossible.” In the middle of challenges, negative labels can make things worse. Instead, focus on describing specific actions or feelings. Keeping language respectful helps build trust. This is a crucial part of how to deal with difficult people.
6. Set Clear Boundaries
Decide what behaviour you will and won’t accept, and communicate this respectfully. In the middle of interactions, remind people of your limits if needed. Boundaries protect your well-being and give structure to relationships. Consistency is important for them to be effective. Walk away if you have to. Setting boundaries is a vital skill in how to deal with difficult people.
7. Be Respectful
Treat the other person with dignity, no matter how they act. In the middle of stress, it can be hard to stay polite, but respect helps keep conversations constructive. This doesn’t mean tolerating mistreatment. It means leading by example. Being respectful is central in how to deal with difficult people.
8. Practise Active Listening
Show that you are paying attention by making eye contact and reflecting back what you hear. In the middle of heated moments, say, “I’m listening and I want to understand.” This helps the person feel valued and can reduce their defensiveness. Listening does not mean agreeing, only understanding. Active listening is a powerful tool in how to deal with difficult people.
9. Stay Consistent
Follow through on what you say and keep routines steady. In the middle of unpredictable behaviour, consistency provides reassurance and stability. This helps set expectations for both sides. Over time, it can build trust and lessen conflicts. Consistency is key in how to deal with difficult people.
10. Take Care of Yourself
Looking after your own mental health is just as important as supporting others. In the middle of stressful interactions, take breaks and seek help if needed. Self-care prevents burnout and keeps you patient. Remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup. Prioritising your well-being is fundamental in how to deal with difficult people.
11. Pick Your Battles
Not every disagreement needs to be addressed. In the middle of recurring issues, ask yourself if the conflict is truly important or just a minor annoyance. Focus your energy on situations that matter most to you, and let go of the rest. This approach conserves your mental energy and reduces unnecessary tension.
12. Encourage Discretion
Sometimes, it’s helpful to kindly ask the other person to keep certain thoughts to themselves, especially if their comments are hurtful and the situation is not urgent or life-threatening. In the middle of sensitive conversations, you might say, “I’d appreciate it if we could avoid discussing topics that make me feel badly when it’s not absolutely necessary.” This sets a respectful boundary while still allowing open communication.
13. Have Compassion
Remember that difficult behaviour often stems from personal struggles or unmet needs. In the middle of challenging moments, try to consider what the other person might be going through. Compassion doesn’t excuse poor behaviour, but it can help you stay grounded and respond with empathy rather than frustration.
14. Limit Your Exposure
If interactions are consistently draining, it’s okay to reduce the time you spend with the person. In the middle of protecting your own well-being, create some distance when possible. This gives you space to recharge and maintains healthier boundaries in the relationship.
15. Ask the Person What They Need Right Now
It’s easy to make assumptions, but taking a moment to ask, “What do you need from me right now?” can shift the dynamic. In the middle of a tense situation, this simple question shows you’re open to understanding their perspective and willing to help. Often, people feel heard and supported just by being asked, and it can lead to a clearer path forward for both of you.
16. Do Not Match Their Energy and Feelings
When someone is highly emotional or upset, it’s tempting to mirror their intensity, especially if you feel provoked. In the middle of a difficult exchange, make a conscious effort to stay calm and composed. Matching their energy can escalate the situation, while maintaining your own steady presence helps de-escalate emotions and keeps the conversation productive. This approach encourages a healthier dynamic and shows that you’re prioritizing resolution over reaction.
17. Keep a Safe Physical Distance
In situations where emotions run high or you feel uncomfortable, maintaining a safe physical distance can be important. Giving yourself space not only protects your well-being but also signals respect for the other person’s boundaries. This simple act can help reduce tension and prevent situations from escalating further.
18. Listen and Acknowledge What They’re Saying
Active listening is a powerful tool in difficult interactions. In the middle of a heated conversation, pause and truly hear what the other person is expressing. Reflect back what you’ve understood to show that you value their perspective. Acknowledging their feelings and words, even if you don’t agree, can defuse tension and foster mutual respect.
19. Know When to Let Go and Ignore
Sometimes, despite your best efforts, the conversation may not be productive or healthy. In the middle of repeated patterns where communication leads nowhere, recognize when it’s not worth engaging further. It’s okay to step back, let go, or ignore ongoing negativity to protect your own mental well-being. Not every situation needs your energy.
20. Bring a Safe Person for Support
When you anticipate a challenging interaction, consider inviting a safe and trusted person to join you. Having someone else present can help de-escalate tension, protect your well-being, and provide a sense of security. This person can also act as a witness to the conversation, which may encourage respectful behaviour and help clarify what was said if needed later.
21. Meet in a Safe Location
If you feel uneasy about an upcoming meeting or conversation, choose to meet in a safe, public, or neutral location. Being in a space where you feel secure can reduce anxiety and minimize potential risks. This strategy not only helps protect everyone involved but also signals that you take safety seriously and value a respectful environment.
22. Use Alternative Communication Methods
If face-to-face or direct conversations tend to escalate, consider shifting to a different mode of communication, such as a parenting app, email, or even a phone call. These methods can help limit dialogue, allowing both parties time to process and respond thoughtfully. Choosing written formats or structured platforms can also create a record of exchanges, promote clarity, and reduce misunderstandings, making interactions safer and more manageable.
Nonviolent Communication (NVC)
Nonviolent Communication is a way to express yourself honestly while respecting others. The steps are:
1) Observe what’s happening without judging
2) State how you feel
3) Explain what you need
4) Make a clear request.
In the middle of a conflict, using these steps helps keep discussions calm and solution-focused.
For example, if someone with big emotions shouts at you, you might say, “I notice you are shouting at me when I just got in the door. I was at work all day, so I am unsure what has led to this. When you raise your voice, I feel anxious. Would you please speak to me in a normal volume and tell me what is going on?” This gives the person the opportunity to to discuss the matter. If they don’t respect your wishes, you can set the boundary. This could be, “Otherwise, I will leave until you ready to speak about what is bothering you in a normal volume.” This approach highlights your experience without criticism, asks for what you need, and invites cooperation. It also states the boundary should your request not be respected.
Conclusion
Navigating relationships with people who have big feelings or seem difficult can be challenging, but practical strategies help. In the middle of tough interactions, validating emotions, using neutral language, and setting boundaries make a difference. Remember the importance of nonviolent communication and taking care of yourself. How to deal with difficult people is a journey—one focused on respect, understanding, and positive change. With patience and empathy, relationships can improve for everyone involved.
About
Heather Caruso is a compassionate, skilled, and intuitive therapist. She is a registered Canadian art therapist, registered psychotherapist, narcissistic abuse therapist, specializing in trauma counseling and adult children of narcissistic, dysfunctional and or emotionally immature parents. She offers a unique blend of therapeutic approaches to help her clients navigate their healing journeys. Heather’s deep empathy and expertise create a safe and nurturing environment for those dealing with a mental health issue. Her areas of expertise are anxiety, depression, grief, low self esteem, stress management, trauma, PTSD and navigating big life changes. Heather offers one on one sessions for people from Ontario.
To support individuals in finding the right therapeutic path for their unique needs, she offers a free Zoom chat where people can ask questions and determine if her therapy services are a good fit for their needs. To book an appointment, call the office at 519 830 7123 or use this link to contact us.