Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents

My typical clients seek support for issues below, usually in relation to the impacts of growing up with an emotionally immature parent EIP such as:

Self-Worth and a Loud Inner Critic

• Chronic self-doubt: Constant invalidation leaves you questioning your worth, even when you succeed.
• Perfectionism: A constant feeling that things could be better and not being satisfied with good enough.
• Inner critic: A harsh internal voice tells you nothing is ever good enough.
• Shame that isn’t yours: Carrying misplaced shame and self esteem issues from childhood into adulthood.
• Feeling invisible: Struggling to feel seen, valued, or acknowledged.
• Low self confidence: You may doubt yourself in many ways, including when you are doing well.

Guilt & Responsibility

• Guilt and shame: Feeling responsible for your parent’s or others’ emotions.
• Feeling guilty for independence: Believing your needs are selfish.
• Self-care feels selfish: Difficulty prioritizing your own well-being. You were told it was selfish to focus on you and its best to focus on others.
• Codependent patterns: Taking responsibility for emotions or problems that aren’t yours. Codependency is taking emotional responsibility for others in relationships.
• Parentification: You were forced to be overly responsible at a young age

Fear & Anxiety

• Fear of abandonment: Having a parent who stone walls or discards their child can create abandoment issues. Conditional love creates deep insecurity in relationships.
• Walking on eggshells: Hypervigilance from unpredictable parenting.
• Anxiety: Persistent worry and emotional unease.
• Emotional numbness: Shutting down feelings to survive.
• Trauma response: PTSD symptoms from narcissistic abuse, flight, fight, fawning and freezing.
• Avoidance in relationships: People may become avoidant in relationships, be hyper independent or struggle to trust others.
• Fear of public speaking or being easily embarrassed: Feeling uncomfortable being the center of attention, public speaking, sharing your views or being criticized.

Boundaries & People-Pleasing

• Difficulty setting boundaries: Saying “no” feels dangerous or selfish. Difficulty saying no to others.
• People-pleasing patterns: Fawning response, i.e. keeping others happy at your own expense.
• Seeking approval: Relying on external validation for self-worth. Approval seeking.

Identity & Belonging

• Trouble with identity: Identity loss, feeling lost or unsure of your authentic self.
• Longing for belonging: Deep desire for acceptance and connection.
• Jealousy of healthy families: Feeling ashamed when comparing your experience to others and wishing for things to have been different.
• Craving authentic connection: Struggling to build genuine, safe relationships.
• Desire for people who see us and a lack of desire for small talk, feeling loneliness in a group setting.

Relationships & Intimacy

• Relationship struggles: Intimacy issues, intimacy feels unsafe, conflict feels overwhelming.
• Repeating old patterns: Trauma bonds, attracting partners who mirror dysfunctional dynamics.
• Surprised by kindness: Feeling uncertain or surprised when people show genuine care.
• Trust issues: Mistrust of people, taking a long time to develop a trusting connection.
• Seeking smaller circles: Purposely keeping your circle small to protect your self.

Emotional Pain & Depression

• Sadness and depression: Carrying unresolved grief and emotional heaviness.
• Anxiety: Feeling low grade anxiety, anxious when the situation does not call for it. Generally not at ease.
• Looking for something to go wrong: waiting for the other shoe to drop.
• Unable to enjoy the moment: when good things happen, you may not be able to really savour the moment.
• Feeling down during holidays: Struggling with loneliness during “happy occasions.”

Empathy, Intuition and Lie Detection

• Deep compassion for others feelings and pain
• Highly developed intuition
• Instant recognition of people behaving in an inauthentic or phony way
• Ability to spot inconsistencies, shifts in cues that indicate lies or manipulation